They almost make me cry

I'm sitting here trying to write some emails to my friends in Denmark... and I don't know what to write.

When T and I were last in Denmark, I told them that I was going to have a birthday dinner while we're in Denmark in April, and could they please keep that evening open, I'd give them details later. Well, about 2-3 weeks ago I sent emails to them with details and so far I've had 2 responses, both can't make it.

One of them is excused, I guess. They are moving a few days later, so I understand how hectic that can be (although if it had been one of my friends who was turning 30 AND living in a different country, so we didn't see each other often, I would have made it work so I could go anyway).

The other has a thing with some old work mates, which of course is much more important than a friend's birthday.

Sometimes I feel like I'm fooling myself. That I'm the only one who thinks we're friends. Do they just put up with me and thank god that they don't have to see me all the time?? Is there something wrong with me??

What else can I think when I never hear from them - except for one - and now they can't even be bothered coming to my birthday...

I feel like sending them an email telling them that since they can't be bothered keeping in touch or anything, they can just fuck off to hell, like I give a fuck. Of course I do. If I didn't, it wouldn't be hurting me so much. But I'd rather know that I have no friends than think I do and it was lie.

I don't know what to do. T keeps telling me not to let it get to me. But how can I not? I feel forgotten, abandoned, hurt... And I have no idea how to communicate these feelings to my 'friends' without coming off...I don't know...

So maybe we really aren't friends. Cause friends are supposed to be able to honest with each other, no?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 posted by Wardi @ 11:06 AM