My boyfriend has suggested that we go to Glasgow for my birthday. How perfectly sweet is that, when he knows I love Scotland and can barely wait to go back there? So we are going, maybe for a whole week. I can't wait! But..he's forbidden me to look up things about glasgow. I'm not allowed to plan anything!!

And that actually touches on something that I'm increasingly aware of. I want to plan everything! And control everything. Like if T is doing the dishes, he's a grown man, and I know perfectly well that he can perform that task without me hovering over him. Yet, somehow..I can't help but tell him "remember to do the glasses first".. or some such nonsense. Now, why do I do this? I try, but can't come up with even a halfway decent explanation. I think I've always done this, planned things, made to-do lists, and been the one who was in (took) charge of parties or whatever. Maybe..maybe it's a way of making sure that everything is the way I want it? I don't know.. It's not like I feel that I don't listen to what other people want. I just think know that my way is the best way. Blimey! I can't believe I just said that!
I also imagine scenarios for things that haven't happened yet, and may not even happen. I imagine how I might react to that given situation. And it's silly, I know. But..I do try to..not be like that. I do try to..let go..let other people worry about the details. Especially in relation to T do I feel that that is important. But he's quite good at telling me to cut it out, when I worry too much, or try to get my way. Bless him.

So, I'm not planning anything, I've satisfied myself with a handful of books about Britain.. Although I guess that's in the same ball park. Getting to know my "new country", before I go there. But I'm an Anglophile, yeah, that's my excuse in this case. ;-)

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 posted by Wardi @ 9:44 PM